I'm hoping to get the third one posted tomorrow after I get home from work, and before I go to my parents' house for the holiday. I'm not going to make any guarantees, though; I barely get stuff done when I've got ample time to do it.
Also, one last thing ... while this is bound to seem abstruse, rest assured that it's sincere. I say a lot of things because I don't know how to keep them to myself, really because no one cares to listen. And why would they? These things are usually unpleasant, and often insulting, and that's because I feel hurt and I'm therefore lashing out.
It's no way to win friends, or remain fondly regarded by someone. Saying mean and hurtful things is, obviously, a very good way of ensuring someone will never speak to you again. I'm experiencing that. Even though I feel justified to express my hurt through music or writing, it's not going to mitigate how much it might hurt the subject, and I think it was in bad taste to make some things available for public consumption.
Everyone has bad thoughts. Everyone thinks badly of someone at some point, and often that someone means a great deal to the person thinking badly of them. I know it's true in my case. Unfortunately, as I feel more and more marginalized and sloughed off, ignored and decreasingly significant, the displeasure and disappointment I feel increases, and then so does my animosity.
I'm not making any excuses. I've said what I've said, and it's up to those about whom I've said anything unpleasant to either accept it as an honest expression of hurt that's really hard to bear, or to hold a grudge against me forever. Regardless of the verdict, this is my apology. I'm well aware that the last thing I likely deserve is for this apology to be accepted, but I'm hoping this rare display of me being something other than petty and crude would foster a similarly grand response.
Good night.
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